There’s nothing wrong with “giving your all” for love. But constantly seeing yourself as sacrificing for love, and then seeing this as a “strength” is problematic at best. I would go so far as to guess, in some instances, it may have even hampered some of your relationships, your partner seeing it as an actual weakness on your part, an inability to demand what is rightfully yours in a relationship when it isn’t being given. Sometimes people need to be asked for this, quite clearly, otherwise they don’t know it’s missing. And if, then, they still don’t give it, you know who they are and where you stand. Plus, you have learned something about yourself and how to maintain your own stature in a relationship.

True, you have to feel these things out from the start, at first, perhaps slowly in a new relationship. But that’s part of the work you do in a relationship as well as part of the work you do on yourself.

Possessor of Paul Newman eyes. Author of many things straightforward and strange. Some of them appear here. “Women zai shuo ba” as the Mandarin say. Born 2016.

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