It’s just that I continue to feel this pressure to fit in with society. I wish I had a proper explanation for my tendencies. A way to “excuse myself to be myself,” and to contribute to the world in ways that make sense for me.
I guess the real question is: Why does anyone need "a proper explanation" for who they are?
That's kind of like a "why is the sky blue" question, isn't it?
You contribute to the world the best way you can. Sometimes that's by not hurting it more, and that's all. Sometimes, perhaps all the time, you show your love by simply being who you are and letting that happen. And then--horror of all horrors!!!--not worrying about it.