Ahhh... Where to begin?
There are things I dare not say, probably neither in public nor at all. But let me begin here, responding to your own doubt. I agree that this is the crucial point. This pressure on yourself to provide instant self-reportage as self-judgment to the outside world is a step too far in your journey. Because it means an absence of self-reflection, if nothing else. And what else, if nothing else, are you seeking in this quest but self-reflection? If not that then this is merely a game, no?
Posing such a challenge for yourself is not the problem and not the issue, although it may be a strategy, again, designed around a “public” structure (social media) that works against your private goals intrinsically.
Look back at this issue with your old friend and what occurred. You sent a long “text” and whatever you said in it was rejected. Now consider what might have transpired if, instead, you had met with this person face-to-face, or even on the telephone. Think about this and think carefully about the difference between what human transactions mean, person-to-person, and what they are via social media, and how they effect our relationships and our perspectives upon ourselves...particularly when we are engaged in questioning or developing those relationships and ourselves.
How easily a text, an email, a post moving in one direction, without the possibility of seeing a facial expression, some body language, without immediate questioning of the person speaking, can be misinterpreted, misunderstood; and before any further enlightenment can be gained, how many levels of passion about that misunderstanding have been explored? Such is the life of a social media “conversation.” And why they are usually so much more “heated” than “real” ones.
Naturally, many people journal or blog online because it is their nature or because they have acquired a following that suits their ego or earns them some ready cash. So they blather on about their personal lives in 60-minute bursts every few hours, carelessly. It is nothing to them in the search for stability in their lives, the search for meaning. It is nothing but a crass exchange. Or a way towards exhibitionism. Or a way to blow off what steam has built up in their lives.
But does everyone post content this way? No. Even many of those who write in floods, daily, and about their own lives, do so with a much more tempered hand.
Yes, you want to broaden your social life, and this is a good thing. And today people feel that social life is intrinsically tied to social media. But there is an end point to it as well. A point where nothing but damage occurs because something intrinsic within us creates certain barriers and functional missteps in communication, even face-to-face, that have to be dealt with in particular ways. Read the literature of “olden times” and you see this over and over. One doesn’t need an iPhone. Only Jane Austen. Which, ironically, can be accessed via your iPhone.
I hope I can stop here, and that something I’ve said has come across in something of a less-than-brutal fashion, and in a helpful manner. But, whatever you choose, please, give your life a break. Don’t force it out into some public space without giving it some breathing room and thought, first.
As people learn on battlefields, bravery is one thing, stupidity is quite another. Be brave, Phoenix. Come back alive, please.